By Guru Rasa Von Werder
Jan 15, 2009
It’s been over a year now that I officially entered the state of “NONDUALITY” – Dec. 15, 2007 – by the grace of my Great Guru Ramana Maharshi. He guided me all the way the last few months before I entered this state PERMANENTLY.
Definition of NONDUALITY for our lay readers: A state where ur consciousness NEVER FORGETS (for more than a few moments) that u r GOD or that u have reached the HIGHEST STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS OF GOD. It is not to be confused with the state of HOLINESS which is ANOTHER DIMENSION, a degree of CHARITY within the soul – (holiness has more to do with the HEART than the consciousness.)
Now the CONSCIOUSNESS of NONDUALITY is a state of the brain/mind/Sahasrara, & it is the HIGHEST STATE OF CONSCIOUSNESS but those who r in DUALITY can still have a higher state of HOLINESS – Do not confuse the two states, one being of the “heart” moreso, the other of the “brain” or “Sahasrara.”
There can be no argument that the state of Nonduality is the highest state of CONSCIOUSNESS as u cannot go higher than to know U R GOD.
PERMANENT or INTERMITTENT STATES OF NONDUALITY or GOD CONSCIOUSNESS
Most of my life since I was 26 years old, I was intermittently in states of duality vs. nonduality. There were times when I was SUNK INTO THE HEART FILLED WITH COMPASSIONATE LOVE & THEREFORE SUFFERING & other times where I became ABSTRACTED, IN THE STATE OF PURE CONTEMPLATION, & my entire life I traversed between the two, up until the very date specified, that our Great Guru led me to. It was a state (Nonduality) which I requested & desired – I could have stayed in duality & retained an immaculate place in Heaven – but my DECISION was to enter this state of NONDUALITY simply because I wanted it. It was a huge change, dramatic & stressful, the turning point was Swami G – a Great Soul in Nonduality who I studied for about two years.
She introduced to me IDEAS hitherto unknown, I was mystified & baffled with whatever it was that she preached, amazed that there was something within spirituality I DID NOT KNOW & felt it was my sacred duty to know this, since I was to achieve every highest grace there was, & contained within myself everything I knew a saint could achieve, including Divine Stigmata & seeing God Face to Face.
I interviewed Swami G extensively, & She was gracious enough to teach me, & all that She taught turned out to be true, although it was hard for me to see at the time. It was a tremendous STRUGGLE to get it, but now that I do, I want to present it to others in a way that they can also see it, as I know why I had trouble; I want to take the hardship out of perceiving this state.
What happened with Swami G is that She fully understands Nonduality, but it seems to me, She could not perceive the Christian state, the trouble being that SHE DID NOT UNDERSTAND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN HOLINESS & NONDUALITY & CONTINUALLY TOLD ME THAT NONDUALITY IS THE HIGHEST STATE & NONE CAN BE HIGHER, but She did not or could not explain the difference between the HIGHEST STATE WHICH IS NONDUALITY VS. THE STATE OF HOLINESS, THE HEART, WHICH CAN BE, WITHIN IT’S OWN DIMENSION, AS GREAT OR GREATER, THEY R TWO DIFFERENT DIMENSIONS (facets) OF GOD REALIZATION!
And so, although Swami G was telling me ALL TRUTH it was the Truth about NONDUALITY but She did not express the Truth re HOLINESS -& that was the linchpin on which we continually argued & disagreed, causing much spleen between us – regretfully so – but all turned out right in the end. I affirm strongly that although Swami & I argued ferociously, She was nonetheless instrumental in starting me on the Path of Nonduality, & the cause of my taking the Fork in the Road that led to it – after two years. I then picked up the Guru with whom there were “no arguments” since He was dead – Ramana Maharshi - & He took me the rest of the way.
The things I will express to u now r the very things which Swami G told me were characteristics of NONDUALITY which I so looked forward to, which indeed happened. They r like so:
THE PAST FADES AWAY
This is a wonderful thing, as they say, with life, “The first hundred years is the hardest” meaning that life is hard, & therefore we all have bad memories of it.
Each human has special memories of pain, with many, it is family, with others, their marriages, as whoever is closest to us, causes us the most pain.
My special prayer was to forget my family, if I could do so it would be a boon of mega proportions. Swami G told me,
“They fade away, like what happened, happened to another person.”
This came true. Not only did I FORGET MY FAMILY but everyone else who ever hurt me – there were thousands it seemed!
Certainly I can think of them when necessary, & can describe what went on, but it’s like “another person” it was done to, I do not feel the pains, the slings, arrows or spears in my body any more, I am not “there” any more. And so, being that I am not in the place of pain, I do not have the pain.
FEAR OF THE OPINION OF OTHERS STOPS
This is a constant problem with normal humans – the fear of what societies as well as individuals think of them. This has ended for me – but I do have to stress, that it is never 100% gone, but mostly gone, such states r RELATIVE & not ABSOLUTE such as being or not being pregnant is absolute. You MOSTLY don’t care but u certainly don’t want to be LYNCHED, put into jail, vilified for no reason at all! But if it happens, it happens, ur not so connected to it that u fall apart.
NO GUILT RE MANY THINGS INCLUDING “SEXUAL MORALITY”
The ideas for which we feel “guilty” – many of which r MIND CONTROL perpetrated by male domination religion, - slough off our backs. We no longer cringe at the thought of doing things that relegate us “not respectable” for the simple reason as stated, we no longer care, relatively, what others think of us. We know their opinions r theirs, based on what they know or don’t know, &
“Every fool has a right to his opinion.”
So let them think what they want, it is their problem, not mine.
FREE OF RELIGION
Swami G told me there would be no prayer (“Who do u pray to?”) & no religious rituals.
This was hard for me to believe, as I’d been coached in “pray without ceasing” & “ritual doer” all my life. I gave her the example of Jesus praying to his Heavenly Father.
But after Dec. 15, 2007, I discovered it harder to pray – it felt STRANGE. Right now when I pray I KNOW I AM TALKING TO MYSELF! I also stopped saying Masses for Souls in Purgatory – stopped reciting the Holy Rosary as well as Stations of the Cross, & many other prayers, petitions, mantras, etc.
“When that which is perfect has come, that which is in part shall be done away with,”
according to St. Paul.
By no means r these things WRONG in any way, they r right & good, but when entering NONDUALITY they NO LONGER APPLY, they were a means to an end, that end being, put all your mind, heart & being on God. But once U R THERE ALL THE TIME U DO NOT HAVE TO DO ANYTHING TO STAY THERE!
SEX IN NONDUALITY
After thirty years of celibacy – which I am proud of, or glad I did it, I came to a crossroad. Since the year 2000 God, partly through my Guru, Baba Muktananda, had been telling me to “have fun” but I could not understand any more what that was. It took me eight years to come to the realization that SEX WAS FUN - THAT I COULD DO SEX AGAIN & ‘HAVE FUN’ certainly in theory, although dating is a mix of emotions, always hope for fun, not panning out each time.
Like prayer, celibacy is a MEANS TO AN END & once u BECOME GOD or know all the time, U R GOD, then celibacy has done its work.
Then if u decide u want to have sex, it isn’t complicated. U try & HAVE FUN with ur partner/s & that is all there is to it. The instincts do not complicate matters, u just follow them, all the rest is window dressing. The struggle is, for me, throwing off the rest of the yokes of repression foisted on us by Patriarchy, it’s mind control religions which promote DEATH, not LIFE, making war a necessity, but SEX something dirty that must be ALWAYS KEPT UNDER CONTROL.
So basically, within sex, we must get rid of the mind control male domination religion. Like it says,
“I volunteered, now I will un-volunteer.”
You have to say,
“I was repressed, now I will become un-repressed.”
Basically, the state of consciousness I am in is that of a “comprehensor”, to a degree, as expressed in Christianity, which is the state u r in when u die, go to Heaven & see God. Certainly one has no anxieties, no worries, no fears, no depression, & NO AMBITIONS when one has ACHIEVED HEAVEN. As I said, it is RELATIVE because ur not in GLORY – I know what that is as I’ve been to the Other Side & seen God face to face TWICE. This is certainly not that, but a relative state of Nirvana, or peace.
To the question of Nirvana or Peace as explained by Buddhism – how does this coincide with wanting sex or wanting to have fun?
OK, again, remember my word RELATIVE. I still WANT TO EAT, I WANT TO SLEEP, I WANT TO TAKE A BATH, ETC., correct? Not wanting anything is again relative, one does not want anything INORDINATE, OUT OF CONTROL, EXTREME, ANXIETY PROVOKING DESIRES, but those things which r natural, normal, easy to attain r what the human body demands, requires, & certainly, as long as one wants to live, to have health, one wants the natural order of things, & sex is part of that natural order, nothing inordinate. It was celibacy that was ABNORMAL, & by it’s practice I gained the SUPERNATURAL but now I am there, THE PENDULUM SWINGS BACK TO NORMAL & I AM BALANCED.
The humor of this is of course, after thirty years of celibacy I intend to have sex with a young male on the day I die, thirty years from now.
One of the points that bothered me the most with Swami G was when She accused me of “addiction to suffering.”
Truly, this arena eventually broke down our communication system.
Here on the one side, I had the example of Jesus & all the saints who suffered, while on the other side, She said I was “addicted to suffering” but they weren’t (meaning they were real saints, I was not, I had delusions) – her state was the highest state, I must “give up” this need to suffer, I must give up the claim I have the “Divine Stigmata,” since I’m not bleeding, it is my imagination.
But on the other hand, her invisible kundalini graces r real!
The lack of logic here defied me, I threw up my hands & left her.
Now that I know I am in NONDUALITY permanently perhaps I can explain my side better, which She could not see at all.
They r two separate, different paths. One is the Heart of love, one is Divine Consciousness – u can be a great saint in either discipline. The best of them, such as St. Gertrude the Great, St. Francis of Assisi, St. Catherine of Sienna, went from the Heart to Contemplation back & forth. They worked, they suffered, they had visions of the highest order. I was one of them – this was hard, for some reason, for Swami G to consider. Was it contempt? Why contempt?
Swami G was right in saying I could give up suffering – that I must give her. It was a choice, hard for me to take, as I did not know if I could continue helping souls. So I was afraid to lose my “merits” which r gained through suffering! Certainly I could never “have fun” if I remained in that state, I would have been like Saint Padre Pio, who suffered until the day he died at age 81, with the bleeding wounds, & travail upon his brain. (Other saints, Teresa of Avila, Catherine of Sienna, St. Gertrude the Great & Saint Faustina, all had the INVISIBLE INTERIOR Stigmata, which is what I have!)
From the Catholic point of view, when I chose to enter Nonduality, I chose Contemplation as THE BETTER PART – I chose to leave one path for the other. (Please recall this is the path of Mary Magdalene, not that of Martha, the hard working activist, & Jesus said,
“Martha, u r concerned about so many things, Mary HAS THE BETTER PART, & it shall not be taken away from her!”)
Mary had her mind leave MANY THINGS & sitting at the feet of Jesus was the act of putting all of the mind & oneself on God, the “better part” or “better path” which all the Catholic mystics recognize is HIGHER/BETTER but is not the right path for everyone as explained by the great theologian, St. Thomas Aquinas)
In asking why Contemplation (Nonduality) is THE BETTER PART it is simply this: To SEE God precedes LOVING God, the Mind/Consciousness has to come first, the heart follows. You cannot LOVE something/someone u do not first KNOW.
Why could Swami G not see that my path was righteous & my graces real, that I was one of the saints? Why did She have to demoralize me, was it some kind of mind game where She felt She had to kill my ego? I doubt it, I think She simply did not understand Christianity.
The End of Suffering for Me
But all that being said, when I made my choice for Nonduality, suffering, as I knew it ended. It was simply a calibration. I was not in a place where suffering could reach me, I was free of it. Nirvana & suffering do not go together.
As I go back to my former state, it was a kind of willingness & acceptance of suffering at all times, the volunteer, what Catholics call “victims of love.”
But when u “un-volunteer” it’s over – No one forces u to do it. I had had enough.
i have to ask some serious questions about the power and how to take care of it!
i understand that masturbation is a form of pleasure, and enlightenment can't have any pleasure, i know i must quit this and all form of pleasures, but what if i sin and masturbated after i got the power? i did just that! i have not yet dream of it but i have already invite you into my heart and i can see you inside when ever i imagine it. And i remembered MotherMary saying that if you sin when you are carrying the power, the karma will be worst, your help will be a blessing, I'm feeling darker then ever before, it's scary !! the power have left me? please teach me!
THESE R SILLY FEARS SO DO NOT HARBOR THEM. GOD MADE THE BODY 4 SEX, EVERYONE HAS A SEX DRIVE, UNLESS THEY R SICK, MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, OR REPRESSED, (ANOTHER FORM OF MENTAL ILLNESS IMPOSED BY FEARS USUALLY PROPOGATED BY PATRIARCHAL RELIGIONS).
IN UR PATH TO ENLIGHTENMENT U CANNOT QUIT SEX IMMEDIATELY, IT TAKES MANY YEARS TO QUIT SEX, & MASTURBATION CONTINUES FOR YEARS UNTIL 90 TO 99% OF THE DRIVE IS QUIETED. THE DRIVE NEVER LEAVES U – IT IS NOT SUPPOSED TO – IT CAN ONLY BE SILENCED, UR MIND BEING ELSEWHERE, FORGETTING SEX, BUT SEX REMAINS IN THE BACKGROUND, WHERE IT DOES NOT TROUBLE U, AFTER MANY YEARS OF DISCIPLINE.
TO HAVE SEX OR MASTURBATE IS NOT A SIN, IT SIMPLY MEANS UR GENITAL SEX EXPRESSION HAS NOT BEEN SILENCED YET, BUT BY NO MEANS WILL U BE PUNISHED FOR THIS – IT IS ONLY UR FEAR THAT MIGHT BLOCK U – FEAR IS A POWERFUL EMOTION, WHICH CAUSES ALL KINDS OF PSYCHOSOMATIC SYMPTOMS.
AS A DEVOTEE OF MINE I WANT U TO HAVE NO FEAR OF MASTURBATION, BUT RELY ON MY POWER TO GET U WHERE U HAVE TO GO. U MIGHT NOT BE DESTINED FOR CELIBACY, FOR THOSE WHO CANNOT ATTAIN CELIBACY BUT TRY TO FORCE IT, BRING ILLNESS & SUFFERING UPON THEMSELVES. SEX IS A HEALTHY, NORMAL DRIVE THAT FEW CAN LIVE WITHOUT. ONLY ONE OUT OF A MILLION CAN BE CELIBATE, TO FORCE IT IS TO INVITE BREAKDOWNS, FEW CAN MASTER IT, IT’S LIKE WINNING SIX GOLD MEDALS AT THE OLYMPICS. JUST RELAX. STUDY MY WRITINGS AS I ASKED U TO
PS IT IS ATTACHMENT THAT U MUST BEWARE OF. A FAR AS PLEASURE, U MUST LEARN TO SWITCH UR PLEASURE CENTERS FROM THE PHYSICAL TO THE SPIRITUAL, TO DEVELOP THE SPIRITUAL CENTERS, & U R REWARDED QUICKLY BY PLEASURE THAT GOD GIVES U THROUGH THESE HIGHER CENTERS. IT’S ALL ABOUT DEVELOPMENT. ONCE UR DEVELOPED, IT’S OK TO HAVE PHYSICAL PLEASURES. .......GURURASA