ATTACHMENT DISORDER

LETTERS,

‘ADULT DAUGHTER’ IS ANGRY AT RASA FOR NOT WANTING TO BE CLOSE ANY MORE...SEE END FOR IMPORTANT BOWLBY TEACHINGS



TOVA,

OH DEAR GIRL BELIEVE WHATEVER YOU WANT

I GIVE UP

YOU ARE THE GIVER, I HAVE NOTHING TO GIVE - YEAH, RIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT

WILL YOU TAKE A LOOK AT MY WORK AND THE HUNDREDS OF PEOPLE, THOUSANDS, THAT I SERVE THROUGH MY WORK?

DO YOU NEVER THINK ABOUT THE LIFETIME OF WORK, THE LIFETIME OF WORK I HAVE DONE FROM THE BEGINNING OF BEING VERY YOUNG? HOW MUCH STRENGTH I HAVE GIVEN TO WOMEN?



NOW YOU ARE ABUSING ME.

BECAUSE I ASKED YOU A SIMPLE THING, TO INSTALL ME INTO YOUR HEART SO I CAN SEND YOU MY POWER.

NEEDY PEOPLE ARE DANGEROUS, THEY STRIKE OUT AT THEIR 'LOVE OBJECT' - THE OBJECT OR PERSON THEY BELIEVE SHOULD BE LOVING THEM, EVEN IF THE DESIRES ARE UNREASONABLE.

AGAIN YOU HAVE PROVEN THAT IT IS DANGEROUS TO BE IN RELATION WITH YOU - YOU WILL PUNISH ME AGAIN AND AGAIN, BECAUSE YOU ARE SO HURT, WOUNDED.

NOW YOU ARE ATTACKING ME VERBALLY THAT I AM THE NEEDY ONE, YOU ARE THE GIVER.

YOU ARE FORCING ME TO DEFEND MYSELF.



THIS IS SO INSANE. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS SO OFTEN WITH PEOPLE, THE ONES I ALLOW INTO MY PERSONAL SPACE END UP ATTACKING ME, WHEREAS I OPENED MY SPACE TO HELP THEM. THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE DOING.



I DID NOT ASK YOU TO DO SOMETHING FOR ME - FORGET IT. IT IS FOR OTHERS, I WORK FOR THE WORLD, FOR PEOPLE, NOT MY PERSONAL SELFISH SELF (HOW MUCH MORE UNSELFISH CAN YOU GET BUT TO WORK FOR FREE?). I GET NOTHING BUT HEARTACHE AND CRITICISM. DO THE VIDEOS MAKE MONEY? OR DO I DO THEM FOR FREE? IS NOT ALL MY WORK DONE TO HELP OTHERS, WITHOUT PAY, I SPEND MONEY TO DO IT?



AM I NOT GIVING WORK OUT FOR NOTHING? DID I NOT GET IN RELATION WITH YOU FOR NOTHING? ALL THE OTHER WOMEN GOT PAID, DID THEY NOT? YOU PAID YOUR THERAPIST, YOUR FOSTER MOM'S GOT PAID, DID I GET PAID?



YOU TALK ABOUT DOING, DOING, DOING. PUTTING YOUR PICS ON MYSPACE IS WHAT YOU REFER TO? RESEARCH? NICE THINGS, THANK YOU. BUT THE RESEARCH IS TO HELP HUMANITY, IS IT NOT? IS IT NOT WHAT YOU WANTED TO DO? YES, VERY VALUABLE, TO HELP HUMANITY. DO YOU RESENT GIVING ME THE RESEARCH OR DID YOU WANT TO DO IT? YOU TOLD ME YOU WANTED TO CREATE BOOKS.



WILL YOU EVER STOP PUNISHING ME? WHEN?

LIKE I SAID, YOU ARE ANGRY AND BITTER, BECAUSE I WILL NOT GIVE YOU WHAT YOU WANT.

YOU CAN'T HELP IT.

SO I AM ONCE AGAIN A VICTIM OF ANOTHER PERSON I ALLOWED INTO MY SPACE, BECAUSE PAIN AND NEEDINESS CREATES ANGRY PEOPLE. THEY ARE ANGRY BECAUSE OF THEIR PAIN. SO THEY LASH OUT AT THE PERSON WHO OPENED UP THEIR SPACE, AND I AM THAT PERSON WHO GETS IT SO MANY TIMES, AS I OPEN THE DOOR TO MANY.

WOW.

WILL I EVER STOP OPENING THE DOOR? NO. WILL THEY STOP PUNISHING ME? NO...I WILL JUST GET STRONGER AND STRONGER AND MORE FORGIVING.

RASA

INFINITE LOVE
MOTHER (GURURASA)

From: TOVA

To: Rasa Von Werder

Sent: Friday, May 16, 2008 10:50 PM

Subject: Re: NEW MATERIAL



i have the hope that one day if i do all you want you will be fulfilled. to be able to love and be loved in a true sense. i think that because you never received the love that you needed or wanted that you can not be there for anyone else because it seems too taxing as you have nothing to give, no matter what others may give you, it will never be enough if you have to give something back to them. i will continue to do what you want until you have had as much as you can hold. that is love to you, doing as you ask. so that is what i will do. i want you to feel loved even if i can not. i am flipping the tables here. it is very not about me anymore, and that is ok, really, altho i am hurting, but whatever, such is life. i will continue with what you want of me even tho it hurts me to not be able to have you. the feelings i have to deal with everyday are immense, but you are worth it. because one day you will be filled up. one day. what am i getting out of this? doing things for you? nothing. but i want to do it for you because if you are filled up then one day you will truly be in full swing and can give of your time, and maybe it wont all just be a dream anymore. well a nightmare :) lol a farking nightmare. haha



and if i am interrupting you sooooooo much, then don't farking answer :) ok? you crack me up!
From: "Rasa Von Werder"
To:
Subject: Re: NEW MATERIAL
Date: Fri, 16 May 2008 22:07:02 -0400

MY PERSONAL SPACE

I WAS NOT AWARE OF ANYTHING WHERE YOU COULD PUT IT ONTO MYSPACE IN GENERAL. ARE YOU AWARE OF THIS? IF IT CAN BE PUT THERE SURE EVEN BETTER, BOTH PLACES.

THIS IS OF COURSE IF IT DOES NOT MEAN YOU CAN THEN INTERRUPT ME ALL DAY.

IF YOU ARE GONG TO INTERRUPT ME AGAIN, AND AGAIN, AND AGAIN BECAUSE YOU ARE HELPING THE WORK,

THEN PLEEEEEEEEEEEESE

DO NOT DO IT !

AND IF THIS MAKES YOU MAD, WHAT I SAY, AGAIN, PLEASE DO NOT DO ANYTHING

INFINITE LOVE
MOTHER (GURURASA)

From: TOVA

To: Rasa Von Werder

Sent: Friday, May 16, 2008 9:43 PM

Subject: Re: NEW MATERIAL



ADD YOUR VIDEOS TO MYSPACE.COM VIDEOS SECTION OR TO YOUR PERSONAL MYSPACE?



I AM FAMILIAR WITH BOWLBY.



I WOULD LIKE IT VERY MUCH IF YOU COULD CALL ME SOMETHING OTHER THAN TOVA, I CAN'T BE HER ANYMORE. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO CALL ME ALICIA OR MAKE UP SOME NAME THAT IS FINE. I HAVE GOT TO STAY AS GROUNDED AS I CAN TO KEEP ME FROM BECOMING WEAK. I CAN NOT BE INSIDE MYSELF, I HAVE TO BE EXTERIOR ONLY.



THANKS,
To:
Subject: NEW MATERIAL
Date: Fri, 16 May 2008 21:14:57 -0400

TOVA HERE'S SOME NEW MATERIAL FROM DR. DALE GLAEBACH WHO IS WILLING TO TALK TO ME ABOUT MY CASES NOW, BUT HE IS NOT AVAILABLE THIS WEEKEND BUT WHEN HE RETURNS AFTER TUESDAY

I WANT TO CRACK OPEN SO MANY PROBLEMS...YOU, AND OTHERS, NOW A NEW GUY. YOU ARE NOT RECEIVING THE NEWSLETTERS OR YOU WOULD KNOW ABOUT THE NEW GUY.

THIS LATEST INFO. AS SOON AS I STARTED READING IT, IT WAS A REVELATION AFTER ONLY A FEW PARAGRAPHS, REGARDING SPIRITUAL CHILDREN.

THIS GUY BOWLBY, I THINK YOU NEED TO TAKE A LOOK AT HIM IF YOU HAVE NOT ALREADY DONE SO.



ANOTHER THING, IF YOU ARE WILLING TO WORK, WITHOUT BECOME OBSESSIVE ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP AGAIN, THERE IS SOMETHING YOU COULD DO THAT IS IMPORTANT. PUT ON MY YOUTUBES ONTO MYSPACE. I DO NOT KNOW WHAT THEIR LIMITS MIGHT BE. I ASKED GOLD TO DO IT - HE IS THE ONE WHO SET IT UP. BUT WHO KNOWS WHEN HE WILL HAVE TIME, AS HE IS SLOW TO HELP. HE IS IRRITATING AS HE IS ONE OF THOSE 'SUBMISSIVES' WHO 'TOPS FROM THE BOTTOM.' I SPOKE TO HIM BY PHONE YESTERDAY AND EACH TIME HE CALLS HE MAKES ME VERY ANGRY, IT IS SO UNPLEASANT. THIS TIME IT WAS NOT ONLY ANGER BUT DEPRESSION, AS HE IS COMING TO NEW YORK FROM CALIFORNIA, BUT REFUSES TO CONSIDER VISITING ME EVEN THOUGH HE WILL BE WITHIN DRIVING DISTANCE. HE HAS BEEN MY FRIEND FOR 4 YEARS BUT WOULD NOT TAKE TIME OUT TO VISIT! THAT MADE ME QUITE ANGRY AS I FELT SO REJECTED, SO ALONE.

BUT OF COURSE I GOT OVER IT, GOD, WHAT SUFFERING THIS LIFE BRINGS. SO GOLD IS THE ONE WHO SET UP MYSPACE.

IT COULD USE AS MANY OF MY VIDEOS AS IT CAN HOLD.

HERE IS THE INFO (THE INFO WEIRDS OUT AS IT IS COPIED FROM AN ADOBE FILE WHATEVER):



FROM DR. DALE GLAEBACH:

These dysfunctions are directly due to the a priori nature of the attachment bond - that is to say, to the frustration of the child's absolute need for the maternal presence. The extent of the child's suffering and the damage caused is related to the duration of the separation: brief separations are bad enough; long ones can be devastating. Separated children predictably pass through three stages, which Bowlby described as protest, despair, and detachment, and he showed how the experience of separation can affect the personality for life. In particular, the development of basic trust tends to be impaired, the child becoming a prey to neurotic anxiety and to doubts about its capacity to elicit care and affection - a state which Bowlby termed anxious attachment. The result can be the adoption of a defensive posture of detachment from others, the child becoming self-absorbed and self-reliant to an unusual extent. Such individuals appear odd to their fellows, who may be disconcerted by their remote, somewhat aloof manner, and they commonly experience difficulty in achieving social integration at school and within their local community. A high proportion of them as adults display a schizoid personality.

As Bowlby subsequently pointed out, each of the three phases of response to separation is related to a central issue of psychoanalytic and psychiatric theory: protest raises problems of separation anxiety; despair that of depression, grief, or mourning; detachment that of defence and schizoid personality disorder. These are crucial areas of psychopathology and they can all be understood as the natural consequences of thwarted archetypal intent.


4

ATTACHMENT, RANK, AND PSYCHIATRY

The immediate cause of a large number of psychopathological conditions is a subjective prediction of probable failure in competing for two highly valued social resources: attachment and rank. Anticipated failure in these two crucial areas gives rise to two sets of aetiological contributions to psychiatric disorders.

ATTACHMENT

The credit for bringing attachment into the ambit of evolutionary psychiatry rests firmly with John Bowlby. He not only established that attachment is instinctive and 'prepared for' in both mother and child but also that the behavioural system responsible for making and sustaining the attachment bond is goal-corrected, in the sense that it is designed to maintain both physical proximity and social communication between the bonded partners. Because of its crucial significance for survival, mother-child bonding has evolved in a great variety of species.

Bowlby devoted the greater part of his life to the study of bond formation and to the consequences of its disruption, and he provided a wealth of evidence to show how a person's self-concept is profoundly influenced by these early experiences. Stable attachment bonds in childhood are associated, as already noted in Chapter 2, with emotional security and the development of an inner model of the self as worthy and capable of giving and receiving affection in a bonded relationship, whereas unstable bonds tend to result in emotional insecurity, development of a flawed self-concept, and indulgence in the kind of 'clinging' behaviour with significant others that Bowlby called anxious attachment. Fear that an attachment bond may be under threat can result in anger and aggression as well as anxiety, while loss of an attachment figure is associated with grief, despair, depression, and, ultimately, detachment. Renewal of an attachment bond, on the other hand, can be experienced as a source of profound iQ^_._____————————.———


EVOLUTIONARY PSYCHIATRY: AN INTRODUCTION

PATHOGENIC PARENTING

The characteristic patterns of deficient parenting which neurotic subjects commonly reveal in their histories may be summarized as follows:

1 Parental absence or separation from the child: one or both parents may go away and leave the child, or put it in hospital or an institution. The earlier the loss and the longer or more frequent the separations the more serious are the consequences for the mental health of the child and future adult.

2 Parental unresponsiveness to the child's attachment needs: one or both parents persistently fail(s) to respond to the child's care-eliciting behaviour, and may, indeed, be actively disparaging and rejecting of such behaviour.

3 Parental threats of abandonment used as sanctions to coerce or discipline the child: one or other parent makes a practice of threatening to withdraw love, to abandon the family, to commit suicide, or even to kill the spouse or child.

4 Parental induction of feelings of inferiority or guilt in the child: the child is subjected to excessive criticism and made to feel bad or unwanted; in extreme cases assertions are made that the child's behaviour is or will be responsible for the illness or death of one or other parent.

5 Parental 'clinging' to the child: the parent (usually the mother) displays 'anxious attachment' to the child, exerting pressure on it to be the primary care-giver in their relationship, thus inverting the normal pattern.

6 Parental inconsistency in the expression of love: one or both parents vacillate between relative neglect of the child's attachment needs and periodic expressions of love, which may be excessive by way of compensation.

Any one of these forms of parental frustration of a child's basic archetypal needs can result in anxious, insecure individuals who report themselves to be lacking in confidence, shy, inadequate, or unable to cope. They often have difficulty in forming and maintaining lasting relationships, and under stress they are prone to develop neurotic symptoms such as phobias, persistent anxiety, and depression.

In addition, the emotional state of the parents, as well as their predominant mode of personality adjustment, have a direct impact on their children. The mother is particularly influential in this regard, for she mediates the world, in all its momentous ambiguity, to the child. In this crucially significant role as mediator, an extremely anxious mother will tend to induce defensive arousal and fear in her children, while a depressed mother will have difficulty in responding to their needs in such a way as to foster their development of 'basic trust'. The world for such children will necessarily remain ambiguous, uncertain, and potentially threatening.

Another critical factor is the kind of mothering that the mother herself received as a child, for these patterns can readily be passed on from generation to generation. Adequate mothering tends to produce adequate mothers.

46


NTRODUCTION

TING

•g which neurotic subjects inzed as follows:

noe or both parents may go K" an institution. The earlier cparations the more serious be child and future adult.

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filt in the child: the child is eel bad or unwanted; in ex-Id's behaviour is or will be her parent.

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of a child's basic archetypal

nrtio report tlicm.aclvcs to be

he to cope. They often have ationships, and under stress such as phobias, persistent

». as well as their predomin-ici impact on their children.

•gard, for she mediates the lild. In this crucially signifi-nother will tend to induce i depressed mother will have way as to foster their devel-dren will necessarily remain

L2.

lag that the mother herself . be passed on from genera-

• produce adequate mothers.

ATTACHMENT, RANK, AND PSYCHIATRY

The care a mother provides, or fails to provide, is also affected by such factors as the degree to which she feels secure in her bond to her husband, whether the child is of the desired gender, the number of children she already has, and her economic circumstances. A vital aspect of a mother's nurturing behaviour is her capacity to intuit her child's subjective state (whether the child is hungry, soiled, tired, angry, or frightened, and so on) and her ability to respond appropriately to it. This mirroring function, by which she helps the child to understand the nature of what it is experiencing, can go wrong for any of the above reasons, with potentially grave psychopathological consequences. With so much at stake, it says a great deal for the adaptive power of the heterosexual and parental affectional systems that so many children grow up to enjoy the degree of health and happiness that they do.